It’s still hard to believe, but by the age of 30, I was fortunately diagnosed with cancer 3 times, faced over a dozen other precancerous scares and experienced some heart-wrenching losses due to cancer.
Yes, you read that correctly, I said I have been fortunate. You are not crazy.
However, I have not always felt this way. Each time there was a period of total fear, confusion and almost paralysis. I cannot quite explain what it is like to get that news and be afraid for your life. It truly stops you in your tracks. Everything becomes blurry, nothing seems to matter and all you can think is, “Am I going to die… Did I really live?”
But each time I was blessed with a whole new perspective on life. I learned so much more about who I was and what I wanted my life to stand for…
My first melanoma opened my eyes to how little self-confidence I had and how superficial my life was.
I am totally guilty of spending countless hours in the sun, tanning booths and wearing the oil. Truthfully, I didn’t really know any better when I was younger. Even though I had a handful of spots removed in high school, it didn’t really sink in until I was diagnosed with my first melanoma at 24. Looking back, all I remember was that I felt so much better about myself when I was tan. I was very fortunate that we caught the melanoma early enough, so surgery was all that was necessary. But so much changed with this diagnosis. Suddenly, I became aware of the superficiality of my life. How much of my self-confidence came from “being tan & looking good”. I consider this my first wakeup call in life. If it weren’t for this diagnosis, I may have never started to take better care of myself from the inside out. I learned to make self-care a priority, and more than anything it started the journey of true self-love for me. It made me want to be a better person and with that I learned that beauty and confidence are about so much more than what’s on the inside.
My second melanoma woke me up to just how precious life is.
After my first melanoma, my health and sun safety became a top priority. You can imagine my frustration, my fear when I was diagnosed with a second melanoma 3 years later. I remember thinking “but how!? I have been doing everything right. This is so unfair!” Initially, it was numbing. But then, once I processed the news, I realized pouting about it wasn’t going to change it.
After my 2nd diagnosis, I made a promise to myself… I’ve been given another chance here. This life, it’s not something I am going to waste. With that, I started to live with the end in mind. You could say I started to live a bucket list life.
I couldn’t be in the sun anymore, but I could be more adventurous. It sparked my passion for new activities way out of my comfort zone.
It helped me shift my priorities… I stopped putting work first and spent more time with my friends and family.
I refused to just go through the motions and put off all the things I really wanted to do. Instead, I started to be so much more proactive with my life. I started a business that would allow me to feel more fulfilled, made traveling a non-negotiable, became more charitable, committed to ongoing growth and I could go on. You could say I completely leveled up my life after my 2nd melanoma and looking back the diagnosis was a catalyst that changed the trajectory of my whole life in such a positive way.
Over the next few years, I would face a couple more pre-cancerous scares and then be diagnosed with thyroid cancer when I was 30. We still to this day are not sure if that was related to the melanoma. But I am forever grateful to my dermatologist for his care and help through this time. This was probably the fight that hit me the hardest. Truthfully, I was pissed. I was sad. I was terrified. And then when I almost lost my voice… I was broken.
Getting through this time was tough, but what finally pulled me through was finding a spiritual outlet and thinking of all the people who had not been so fortunate in their own fight. I could go on and on telling you about all the lessons and life shifts cancer has exposed me to. But the most powerful thing I learned is that bad things happen. There might be times when life tries to knock you down and you cannot control that. However, what you can control is how you choose to react to it. You can choose to crumble, or you can choose to feel the emotions, feel the fear and the pain… but then let it wake you up in life and use it as a catalyst for living your life more intentionally.
We all only get one life and it’s ours for the taking. I pray you never have to face such terrifying wakeup calls, but if you do, please know that there is some positive that can come out of it. It might be hard to see initially when you are trying to navigate through the fear, but you are powerful, you have a purpose here. Have hope, fight like hell and focus on doing whatever you can to move forward, even if it’s just one tiny step at a time.