In March of 2017, at the age of 34, I was diagnosed with Ocular Melanoma (OM). By November 2018, after trying a series of treatments, the decision was made to remove my eye. I thought I had prepared myself and my family for the healing process and emotions after my enucleation, the removal of my eye. We had talked about what it would be like for me to wear an eye patch in public for a few months until my prosthetic eye was made. We prepared for the physical parts of it, but you can never really prepare the emotional part.
The first time I went in public with my patch, my daughter asked me to come close to her and she pulled my hair in front of my patch. I asked if she was embarrassed of mommy and she said yes. We both started to cry but I quickly wiped my tears and hers. I looked into her eyes and said, “This is our life now. We have to learn to get used to it and it will be ok.”
Along my cancer journey, I have always been open and honest with my kids. I’ve told them everything they needed to know in the moment. Many of our conversations have been around “personal problems”. Everyone has problems, which is why it’s important to always be kind as you never know what their problem may be. Mommy’s problem is eye cancer. Some people’s problems are noticeable—like mine—others might have scars hidden under their clothes or emotional struggles deep in their heart or mind. Everyone’s problem is different, but everyone has their own battles.
After my daughter and I had that moment, I decided that even though the emotions were challenging and being in public was hard, I was not going to miss out on life. I have an amazing, supportive family and friends who all love me for me—with or without an eye. Some days, I would love to have the old me back, but the new me is pretty darn cool. I can pop my eye out when I want (most kids can’t say they can hold their mom’s eye) and I’ve learned to truly enjoy life—which many struggle to do.
Ultimately, I’ve learned to be me and I hope I’m teaching my children to do the same. With my cancer, my family has learned to be flexible, enjoy the moment, celebrate each win, support others and ultimately, embrace and love who they are. My advice to them is the same for you, no matter what you’re going through or what problem you’re facing—Be YOU. What makes YOU special and how can YOU enjoy your best life? How can YOU turn your ‘problems’ into ways to make yourself and those around you better?
As we age, who YOU are will inevitably change. But no matter the challenge your facing, YOU can always be who YOU are meant to be!